Tag Archives: special needs

In The Checkout

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The little man and I are standing in the checkout line at the grocery, there’s a customer ahead of me and I have no cart so I’m trying to put the groceries from my bag onto the conveyor belt and keep an antsy tired boy near me. The little man was leaning with his elbows on the conveyor belt, hands over ears, standing quietly and relatively still, he wasn’t even one foot behind me. The lady behind me was apparently in such a rush to get her groceries on the conveyor that she couldn’t be bothered to tap my shoulder and ask if I could get my son to move. Instead she put 2…yes 2…hands on his back and physically moved him. It took everything I had not to shank her with my keys for even touching my son.

I turned to her and told her ‘Don’t EVER put your hands on my kid again’.
She looked at me with a blank dumbfounded look on her face, like I’m crazy…how dare I say something to her, and said- ‘Well I asked him to move and he wouldn’t so I gently moved him’
Me- ‘He doesn’t speak, he doesn’t understand you, he has autism’
Her- ‘Well I asked him to move’
Me- ‘Again, I don’t care what you asked him, if you have an issue with MY son you can tell me, I’m 2 inches from him’

Just because I look like everyone else, doesn’t mean I am like everyone else!! <3

All she had to do was apologize somewhere in there…or even just stop talking, nope not this lady, she continuously defended her behavior…Apparently special needs or not, parent nearby or not, she feels it’s okay to put her grubby hands on my son. I don’t know about you, but if I have issue with a child or child’s behavior I’ll talk to the parents…it’s not my place to lecture, much less physically move, someone’s child. The thing people fail to realize…other than we are given common sense for a reason…is that an autism kiddo may look just like every other kid but that doesn’t mean they understand the same things other kids their age might understand…and regardless of a child’s level of understanding you take up any issues you have with a child with that child’s parents not with the child.

I’m a pro at ignoring peoples rude stares when we are out and about, ignoring the rude comments they make under their breath. I’m thankful I didn’t flip out, I didn’t raise my voice, I was much calmer than I thought I’d be if ever thrown in a sticky situation…but DON”T EVER PUT YOUR HANDS ON MY KIDS!! So…Am I crazy??? Would you have just let it go?

Our shenanigans were actually caused by a rude adult…which IMO is worse, at least a child can still be taught

This week I’m hanging out at Yeah Write’s hangout grid…have you stopped by and checked out all the awesomeness??

Autism Is & Isn’t

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Autism is:

  • Finding new creative ways to teach our cuties, it’s not that they aren’t smart it’s that they learn differently, you have to find what works for each child individually
  • Knowing when to stop pushing to avoid meltdowns / but knowing how much to push to encourage learning.
  • Positive Reinforcers (aka bribery)…and lots of them….hey I don’t work for free either…just saying
  • Different for every child …just as every child is different, autism or not
  • As a parent, trying to give your child all the fun experiences any child should get the opportunity to enjoy, all while sheltering them from the stares, the possible sensory overloads, and the general assheadness of many out there who mistake things like stimming for misbehaving
  • Celebrating the small victories
  • Remembering that autism is not our kids, our kids may have autism, but our kids are still just kids
  • Realizing that no matter how frustrating it may feel at times from the parent side of it, remembering it’s a million times more frustrating for our cuties…not being able to express what they are trying to, it’s heartbreaking
  • Being a translator…to the world my sons speaks a foreign language, to me he speaks pretty clearly
  • A constant fear of regression
  • You, as a parent, fighting for all the services your kids need and finding ways to make sure they get them

Autism isn’t:

  • Caused by lazy parents..while experts cannot agree on what causes autism, and I have my own 2 cents on the issue….it is 100% NOT caused by lazy parenting
  • All savants and rainmen, yes there are some true geniuses out there…some with autism, some without, but autism doesn’t always = geniusness
  • Excuses….as parents it’s our job to make sure our kids learn; learn right from wrong, learn appropriate behaviors, learn anything and everything they can learn, anything and everything we can teach them, no excuses are acceptable
  • Therapy 24/7, or at least it shouldn’t be….yes consistency is important, but remembering that everyone needs a break and needs down time is equally important. I don’ t get parents that push therapy all the time…My job is to be mom, to tackle the mom duties, the therapists job is to do therapy….my job is to carry over what I can into the home, not to do hours of nightly drills after my kiddos already put in a full day at school and after school therapy
  • Bad…I hate all the whinning…in fact I have 2 posts ranting all about it, just waiting for my Bloggy Blankitis to go away so I can finish up the posts….Venting is 100% okay, but realizing autism isn’t bad/terrible/tragic/the end of the world is so important.

So…to sum up my mini rant….Autism is learning new creative ways to make sure our cuties learn, everything else is just parenting….remembering our kids are still kids and are perfect just the way they are, and LOVING them like CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And a final thought on being nonverbal, “Just because I have no words doesn’t mean I have nothing to say”.

How I Do It

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People always ask me ‘How do you do it?’ You know, have 3 kids with special needs….Well the simple answer is I just do.

I love my kids, they never asked to be brought into this world, and I would and will do anything for them. Wether it’s making ch milk at 2 am like any other mom with a child that can’t sleep or whether it’s changing pull-ups when I’m 75 years old. This is my job, they are my babies, and I will do everything I can to not only to help teach them to be everything they can be, but to care for any needs they cannot, and to let them them know I love them more than life itself and they are perfect just the way they are.

For some reason people have it in their head that raising children with different abilities is super challenging and while some days I admit I want to pull my own hair out, that’s any mom of 3 wild happy, hyper, boys. A lady told me the other day she was amazed at my husband and myself because she had friends with just 1 special needs child that sent the child away because it was too much. I am not judging, I would hate to be in a position I felt it was necessary to send my child for someone else to care for.

That being said,  It’s not so much that special needs kids are more difficult, it’s just that they learn differently than maybe you or I did. I don’t deal with many of the issues parents of ‘normal’ kids face, and I don’t how well I’d do if I had to honestly. My son is 6 and I am just now having to watch what I say because he’s picking up on it. Most parents have to be on their toes about things like from the time their kids are little.

So what’s the point of my ramblings…That every parent who gives it their all, special needs or not, Is a super parent! We all face different challenges with each of our children and the most important things to remember are

-Love them like CRAZY!!!

-Take it one day at a time

-Our parents really were just as clueless as we are

-Your kiddo is perfect just the way they are!!