The little man and I are standing in the checkout line at the grocery, there’s a customer ahead of me and I have no cart so I’m trying to put the groceries from my bag onto the conveyor belt and keep an antsy tired boy near me. The little man was leaning with his elbows on the conveyor belt, hands over ears, standing quietly and relatively still, he wasn’t even one foot behind me. The lady behind me was apparently in such a rush to get her groceries on the conveyor that she couldn’t be bothered to tap my shoulder and ask if I could get my son to move. Instead she put 2…yes 2…hands on his back and physically moved him. It took everything I had not to shank her with my keys for even touching my son.
I turned to her and told her ‘Don’t EVER put your hands on my kid again’.
She looked at me with a blank dumbfounded look on her face, like I’m crazy…how dare I say something to her, and said- ‘Well I asked him to move and he wouldn’t so I gently moved him’
Me- ‘He doesn’t speak, he doesn’t understand you, he has autism’
Her- ‘Well I asked him to move’
Me- ‘Again, I don’t care what you asked him, if you have an issue with MY son you can tell me, I’m 2 inches from him’
Just because I look like everyone else, doesn’t mean I am like everyone else!! <3
All she had to do was apologize somewhere in there…or even just stop talking, nope not this lady, she continuously defended her behavior…Apparently special needs or not, parent nearby or not, she feels it’s okay to put her grubby hands on my son. I don’t know about you, but if I have issue with a child or child’s behavior I’ll talk to the parents…it’s not my place to lecture, much less physically move, someone’s child. The thing people fail to realize…other than we are given common sense for a reason…is that an autism kiddo may look just like every other kid but that doesn’t mean they understand the same things other kids their age might understand…and regardless of a child’s level of understanding you take up any issues you have with a child with that child’s parents not with the child.
I’m a pro at ignoring peoples rude stares when we are out and about, ignoring the rude comments they make under their breath. I’m thankful I didn’t flip out, I didn’t raise my voice, I was much calmer than I thought I’d be if ever thrown in a sticky situation…but DON”T EVER PUT YOUR HANDS ON MY KIDS!! So…Am I crazy??? Would you have just let it go?
Our shenanigans were actually caused by a rude adult…which IMO is worse, at least a child can still be taught
This week I’m hanging out at Yeah Write’s hangout grid…have you stopped by and checked out all the awesomeness??
Omg. The nerve of that woman! No
You’re not crazy and I don’t think ANY parent would have let it go. In fact if that happened to me I would have went the extra mile and charged her for assault. She is so inconsiderate, disrespectful and has no compassion. Sorry you guys had to run into people like her.
Thank you! Some people are just ignorant!! I could never imagine putting my hands on anyone else’s child!
I speak to children myself, actually. On the playground, in a store, and so on – especially when they are post-preschool age. I don’t touch them (unless they are hurting someone else or being hurt), but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with addressing a child directly as long as it’s done respectfully.
I understand your frustration at seeing your son being touched, but we live in a world where everyone has a different set of standards. Some parents (of special needs children or not) are insulted when their children are ignored; others don’t want strangers to even acknowledge their children. I’ve found it’s easier on my temper if I assume the best in people – but I don’t always accomplish that. It’s usually directly related to how much sleep I’ve had.
Sleep def affects my reactions as well lol…I honestly don’t mind someone asking the little man something, but I was standing right next to him and heard nothing…I just can’t imagine physically moving someone’s child unless like you said they were in actual danger…Thanks for the share and for stopping by!!
:)
I am with you, and I’m totally shocked that she physically moved your son out of her way.
Whenever I need to, I speak to the kids myself. Whether it’s to remind them of basic rules (no hitting no swearing, etc.) to ask for them to excuse me. I also ask in a way that the parents can hear as well, if they are around.
It must have been a tough situation for you!
Unfortunately, like it’s been said before, we live in a world where everyone does/wants things done differently.
Yes! If she was speaking loud enough I could hear I would have asked the little man to move and not said another word to her…I was standing so close and heard her say nothing to him :\
Hmm what a hard situation. I see your point completely. I can even see that you would have been totally willing to let it go if she had just apologized. People who can’t admit when they were wrong just pee me off. I keep my hands to myself pretty much at all times because you never know how a child will react. I will try and talk directly to them or try and make some kind of contact with his/her parent if I’m having an issue.
I think the mama bear has a way of coming out in us when we least suspect it. In some cases I’m way more protective over my kids then the situation has warranted and at other times way more forgiving of the situation then what is warranted. And I think it depends completely on the person I’m reacting to. If they are apologetic and genuine I let it go. If they sit there and try and make it seem like I’m the problem I tend to get my back up more than I would otherwise.
In short, lol. I don’t think you are crazy.
I’m the same way. If I would have heard her speak to him first I would have moved him and not said another word. To just see her put her hands on him just rubbed me the wrong way!
I would have and still would freak out if anyone touches my children. I am okay with people addressing them directly, but in a respectful way and and certainly not with a high-pitched voice like they were talking to a dog or something.
If there was no reaction from my child, for whatever reason, I would expect people to address me next, before touching my child! That is unacceptable and she’s lucky you did not punch her, I know I would have had a hard time with that one.
My kids is where I draw the line!
Nice to know I’m not alone!!! I’m with you completely…ask my child to move but when they don’t respond take it up with me!
She definitely crossed a line and SHOULD have apologized! I am one to address children directly as i find they are usually more receptive than their parents are. I taught pre-k for 12 years so i just can’t look the other way. It’s not like getting her groceries on the counter was a health or safety issue so i don’t know why she couldn’t have waited!
Yes! If a child is about to get injured or cause injury by all means stop the behavior!! But for groceries! She just really irked me…I would have had no problem with her talking to the little man, though I never heard her say a word, but I just feel after that doesn’t work it’s time to address the parents.
How could an adult behave in such a way! But I would have done what you did, standing up for our children when they are right. Your boy is so blessed to have you both as his parents
Thank You!! Part of me felt like maybe I should have just ignored her, part of me wanted to beat her with my gallon of milk, but the adult in me tried to remember that while my son doesn’t say much he picks up on tons and I am an example to him. I felt she needed to know she that sort of behavior is unacceptable, and if she ever sees us again in the store to keep her hands to herself…and hopefully to not touch anyone else’s children either!
No, your not off here. People are stupid. The best you could do is state your expectations and hope for the best. Sorry this stupid person touched your son!
Thank you! I have to say it’s nice to know I’m not alone in this. While I’m proud I didn’t flip out completely I felt I had the right to tell her touching anyone’s child, unless to protect them from immediate danger, is never acceptable
Whoa!! You definitely handled the situation well, much better than I would have. The nerve of her to have touched your son.
It took everything I had to remind myself however I handled the situation the little man was watching!
You are NOT crazy. I would have flipped out if someone did that to my kid. There’s no reason she could not have addressed you. And to not even apologize? Utterly ridiculous. My conversation with her would not have been as mild. It is never okay to touch someone else’s child without permission, except, as someone said above, if someone is being hurt.
Agree 100%! If a child is in danger or in danger of injuring another by all means do whatever is necessary to stop the situation, but for groceries….I have to say I’m still irked by the lady! Even if she didn’t want to apologize IMO she could have at least just stopped trying to defend her actions. Glad to know I’m not alone in this!
I can see a scenario where I would gently touch someone else’s kid on the shoulder or something to get their attention if I felt they hadn’t heard me. Between my kid, supervising playdates, helping at school, etc. I’m around young children a lot so it’s become second nature to me to get down to a kid’s eye level and put a hand on their arm or whatnot if I’ve tried to get their attention and they haven’t heard me. It’s been so drilled into me that sometimes I catch myself doing that in day to day life where my role is as a bystander, not as a caregiver.
So I suppose if I were in that lady’s shoes, had no idea your son had special needs, and thought you were busy and your son just hadn’t heard me I might have touched him as kind of a reflex to get his attention before politely asking him to move again. I certainly wouldn’t have meant any harm or disrespect by my actions or taken any offense if someone had behaved that way with my child. So I think it’s important to understand that there’s that perspective too.
But what floors me is that the woman didn’t apologize when she found out that it made you so uncomfortable and that your son has autism and couldn’t understand what she was doing. That’s terrible. She should have apologized profusely and backed off.
I see your point completely. I could have dealt with tapping him on the shoulder, but to physically move him, it just pushed all my buttons the wrong way! I wasn’t even 1 foot away and I heard her say nothing to him. And I’m with you, if someone is good with kids / used to working with kids I could understand more, she was just bitchy about it all…..I guess getting her groceries onto that conveyor while there were still 2 people in front of her was just THAT important….BTW – Thanks for stopping by!!
That is UNbelievable. Good for you for not hauling off & hitting her. Some people are SEVERELY under-educated. Clearly autism awareness hasn’t reached her yet. Glad your little man wasn’t hurt.
I’m not going o lie, it took a lot not to pop her right in the head! ((But I don’t want to set that sort of example)) Who is in such a rush to get their groceries scanned they need to mess with someones kid! I would have happily moved the little man if she would have asked me or even spoken to him loud enough I could hear her.
I am speechless that a stranger would have the chutzpah to touch someone else’s child. There is no reason why she could not have spoken to you before putting her hands on your son.
Thank you!! Or even spoken loudly enough I could hear her. I would have been happy to get the little man to move…if she really did ask him she must have whispered because I was right there and didn’t hear her say a word
Granny here – checking in a bit late on this one. You know, some children with special needs react violently when touched – especially by someone they don’t know. We are very lucky our boys don’t react that way – but it’s a very real reaction and the children can’t help it. If, a in the same situation a child had reacted and hit the woman and she was injured – you can bet she’d be screaming assault! Dumb doody head – it just floors me that adults think they can do whatever they want to children because they are bigger. It’s like their size and age make them somehow smarter. You did good, Mom!